The word tea party makes one think of elegant and elaborate affairs of the Victorian times. It also conjures up images of scones, muffins , Devonshire cream and dainty sandwiches served on fine silver or china. Tea parties can be as elegant and elaborate, or informal and simple, as you want. Here’s a refresher course for you on tea party niceties, whether it is an afternoon tea, high tea or an evening tea that you want to host.

Tea Party Etiquette for the Host:

Sending out Tea Party Invitations:It is always good to invite the guests a few days in advance. You could use online invites or pre-made invitations available in card stores. Be clear in your communication about the time and the dress code. Perhaps you want your guests to bring their favorite tea cup or wear a hat. This information needs to be communicated clearly in the invitation so as to avoid any embarrassing moments for you or your guests.

The Tea Party: As the host of the tea party, the first and foremost thing to me kept in mind is showing gestures of love and respect. The golden rule of greeting the guests is treat your guests as you would want yourself to be treated at a party.

Setting up the tea table – Throw a linen table cloth over a large table. A small centerpiece in the middle of the table will add charm. A small vase with a single flower is good enough too. Depending on the number of guests, you would have to decide weather it would be a sit down affair or a buffet. For a small and intimate group a sit down would be nice. Buffets work best for larger gatherings.

If you are havinga sit down party, you could lay down all the items on your menu on the table. When the guests are seated and have helped themselves to refreshments, the guest of honor or the hostess pours the tea.

For a buffet you could have the tea tray with the tea cups and saucers at the two ends of the table. This way guests don’t have to queue up or wait for their turn. Don’t forget to have two pots - one with the brew and the other with hot water.

If you plan to have someone serving tea, no pourer should be at her station for more than thirty minutes. She should fill the cup 3/4 full and then ask “Would you like sugar? One lump or two?” (always use cubed sugar) . Then ask if they would also like milk or lemon-but NEVER milk and lemon together, as the lemon will curdle the milk. Serve milk with tea, not cream. Real cream has a tendency to react with the acidity level in the tea and it also tends to mask the flavor.

Party Napkins:For a formal tea party it is absolutely necessary that you use linen napkins and silver. If you are hosting a slightly informal affiar, good quality small paper napkins are perfectly acceptable.

Serving The Tea: It’s better to serve tea from teapots, rather than having individual tea bags, which can get very messy. If you do decide to use tea bags, then there should be a small dish on which the guests can place the used tea bag.

Food servings: Scones, Muffins, Cakes, and Sandwiches have always been the standard fare for tea parties.

Tea Party Etiquette For Guests:

Placing the Napkin: When seated at the table, always put your napkin on your lap. The napkin should never touch the table once you are seated at the table. Even when you need to leave the table, you need to put the napkin on your seat. Never put your napkin back on the table until you are ready to leave .

Order of eating the served course: If all the courses are laid out on the table, eat them in this order: first the scones or muffins; then the tiny sandwiches, and last the sweets. Think of it like a meal where you can start with bread, then have the main course, but save the dessert for last.

When eating scones, you should follow the rules of eating any bread, eating only small bite-sized pieces at a time, with a dollop of jam first then topped with cream. Once you have used your utensils, it is impolite to put them back on the table or re-use them to serve yourself more of the jam or cream, so be sure to rest them on the side of your plate.

Eating with Fingers: Since it is a tea party, it’s okay to eat with fingers. However, if an item is particularly messy (has a runny filling), then use a fork.

Take Tiny Bites: Take bites of the tiny sandwiches. Never stuff the whole thing in their mouth, even though it’s small. Remember that tea is to be sipped, not slurped and not used to wash down a large bite of food. Swallow your food before you sip your tea. One should always try a little of each course and while doing so avoid talking with his/her mouth full. That is why it is important to take dainty bites.

Placing the fork: Like the napkin, your fork should never go back down on the table. When placing your fork down, it should go on the side of your plate.

Cup & Saucer Manners:

Holding the Cup & Saucer: When drinking the tea, you can hold the cup and saucer near your chest, then take the teacup off the saucer and bring it up to your mouth to drink.

-If you are standing or are seated away from a table, never lift the tea cup off the saucer when drinking, pick both up and lift the tea cup only when the saucer will remain a fairly short distance from the cup. If you are seated at a dining table, you may leave the saucer on the table.

Adding Sugar Cubes: If using sugar, be careful to not dip the sugar tong or sugar spoon into the tea.

Placing the Teaspoon: Stir sugar and/or milk with your teaspoon, then place the teaspoon on your saucer. Gently swish the tea back and forth when stirring. Never leave your spoon upright in the cup and likewise, be sure not to sip your tea from the spoon as well. After stirring, return the spoon to the saucer, placing it quietly behind the cup, not in front. It should be on the right hand side of the saucer, behind the handle of the cup.

Drinking the Tea: Tea should always be sipped. Don’t chug it down, slurp it down or throw it back like a shot glass. This is a time to act like a lady. Have fun with it. You can even lift your little pinky finger.

If the Tea is Hot: If the tea is hot, do not blow on the tea. Leave your teacup on the table to cool.

Other Basic Manner’s: Blot lipstick before drinking, avoid leaving lip prints on the teacup or linens. Better still, use transfer resistant lipsticks.

Tea Tips in a Nutshell - Start small, but start. Do not expect perfection. Go for it. If you feel overwhelmed and tired afterwards, know that it gets easier with experience. The joy of taking tea with friends is worth the little extra work.